Attacker says God sent him to stab Brazilian presidential candidate Jair Bolsonaro

Suspect Adelio Obispo de Oliveira is seen in a police handout photo.PHOTO: EPA-EFE

BRASILIA (BLOOMBERG) - The man who stabbed Brazil's presidential front-runner, Jair Bolsonaro, at a packed street rally said he was acting on divine orders, according to a video obtained by local news outlets.
Adelio Bispo de Oliveira, 40, was detained on Thursday after witnesses said he carried out the attack against the far-right candidate in the south-east state of Minas Gerais.
The moment was captured on video, the politician wincing as the knife plunged into his gut.

De Oliveira confessed and said he acted alone, his lawyer said on Friday (Sept 7).
"He said he acted due to political and religious reasons, against Bolsonaro's prejudices," Pedro Possa said in a phone message. "He acted without anyone else's participation nor on anyone's order."
A Facebook page in de Oliveira's name that dates back several years features posts criticising Bolsonaro, and others purporting to expose a Freemason conspiracy.

The profile contains an "About" with only one sentence: "It doesn't matter for which party you fight, nor the ideology you believe or the faith you practice, if you take pleasure in the triumph of justice, then we are all brothers!!!"

Brazil far-right candidate Jair Bolsonaro stabbed while campaigning

In May, he posted a photo of himself at a small protest beside a hand-made sign reading "Useless Politicians."
In early July, he checked into a shooting club in southern Brazil and, later that month, changed his profile picture to the scales of justice.
In the video posted on local news websites, de Oliveira says no one but "God above" ordered him to carry out the attack.
In recent years, the attacker had begun talking to himself, responding out loud to television political news, and presenting disturbing ideas to relatives, his niece Jussara Ramos told BuzzFeed.
Possa declined to comment about his client's mental health.
De Oliveira isn't affiliated with any political group although he was a member of the Socialism and Liberty Party between 2007 and 2014, local magazine Veja reported.
Federal police hadn't released information about the arrested man by Friday morning.
Bolsonaro is in "good condition, continuing treatment in ICU," doctors at Albert Einstein hospital in Sao Paulo said Friday. He underwent two hours of surgery to treat wounds to his intestine and contain severe internal bleeding the evening before, the doctors who treated him said at a news conference.
"I'm fine and recuperating!" Bolsonaro said it on his Twitter page on Friday afternoon.
Earlier, he said in a video recorded at the hospital by Senator Magno Malta he has "never done harm to anyone" and added he was prepared for a moment like this.

Unfulfilled Desire

"I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4: 12 - 13
"For a long time I have not belonged to myself since I delivered myself totally to Jesus, and He is therefore free to do with me as He pleases." ~ St. Therese of Lisieux

Do you have unrealized desires? They have a way of burning up our insides, don't they? Perhaps you wish to be married, but year after year remain single. Or you wish for children, but remain childless. Or maybe you want to write books, but never make any headway.

Confusion and despair over unrealized desires feel the most intense when they seem natural and God-honoring. Doesn't the Lord want me to be married? Didn't He place in me this desire to be a pastor? Didn't God give me these gifts? So why do all the doors remain closed?

I've been noticing a theme lately in the stories of revered Christian heroes. Most of them had personal desires that were put on hold or even went completely unfulfilled - at least from the outside observer's perspective. Some of these desires seemed especially holy.

Take St. Martin of Tours for example. From an early age, this Christian convert's sole desire was to be a monk. But the laws in 4th century Rome required him be a soldier  - an occupation that did not suite him well. Even after the military finally released Martin, his plan to dedicate his life to solitary prayer never played out as he hoped. Martin's unique spiritual wisdom drew crowds to him and ultimately, the beloved monk was ordained a Bishop against his wishes.

St. Therese of Lisieux is another example. This French beauty from the 19th century longed to be a Carmelite nun and a missionary. While Therese's first desire came true at the early age of 15, her second never did. At 22, tuberculosis limited her to her French convent.

Why does God allow some desires to go unfulfilled? There's no simple answer to that question, however, I think it's fair to say that when good desires lay dormant, God does important work through us that might not otherwise have been possible. Paul articulates this when he is torn between two holy desires: a desire for heaven and a desire to continue to build up the Church on earth. Through eyes of faith, he sees how God can work through both outcomes.

I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith Philippians 1: 23 - 25

The same peace we see in Paul can be found in the stories of countless Christians who set their personal preferences aside.
In her autobiography Story of a Soul, St. Therese reflected, "God cannot inspire unrealizable desires. I can, then, in spite of my littleness aspire to holiness." Therese recognized that her earthly desires really boiled down to a desire for God, and while her personal limitations frustrated her, they did not limit God's work in her life. Therese spent her remaining two years on earth "in the mission fields" by praying for and corresponding with missionary priests who drew much strength from her support.

St. Martin of Tours also accepted God's calling with peace in his heart. He made an excellent Bishop in spite of his introverted ways. The key to his contentment? His love for God enabled him to love needy souls more than his solitary lifestyle.
While it's hard to accept that our personal desires sometimes have to be put on hold, it's also incredibly freeing. I think if you had a chance to speak with Paul, Therese, or Martin they'd all agree that life is much more fulfilling when the Creator of the Universe is in control instead of our little selves. What desires can you hand over to Him today?

by Sarah Phillips

3 Surprising Ways I Can Do All Things through Christ Who Strengthens Me

John UpChurch | Senior Editor

 

I confess that I’m one of the millions of Christians who regularly recites Philippians 4:13. How can you not love this uplifting, soul-stirring, take-on-the-world promise?

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

But there’s actually more encouragement in this verse than you might think at first. You see, Paul wrote these words while facing some of the worst trials of his life. Despite the threat of pain and death, he realized that God gives us strength in ways that go beyond the good times and the everything-is-okay moments. The strength of Christ reaches right down into our turmoil and pain.
And it’s there that we can truly do “all things.” Here are 3 surprising ways this happens:

1. Through Trials

When we think of victory, we often envision champions with trophies or medals. We think of spotlights and TV coverage and fame. We think of parades and celebrations.
But true victory often happens far away from the crowd.
In Christ, we will certainly see joyful times, just as anyone does. But what truly sets us apart as followers of Jesus is that we can find victory in the most difficult trials. James knew that type of struggle very well, and yet he could honestly say:

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:2–4)

Christ gives us the strength to not only endure the tough times, but also to grow during them. We aren’t meant to just slog through the pain; we’re meant to see our faith blossom right in the face of our battles. God equips us with the armor we need to stand firm:

“Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” (Ephesians 6:13)

That’s the kind of strength Jesus gives.

2. Through Contentment

If there’s ever a fight that goes on in us humans, it’s the constant struggle to be content. Disappointments, setbacks, and delays keep hammering away at us. Apart from Christ, we’d quickly trip and stumble our way into bitterness and entitlement. After all, this world tells us that we “deserve to be happy,” and it’s easy to buy into that mindset.
But in Christ, we move our eyes off the things we don’t have, the frustrations that surround us, and we put them where they need to be. Paul’s words from prison show this spiritual truth in action:

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” (Philippians 4:12)

How can we have this type of contentment? By turning our attention from what we think we need to the only thing that truly matters:

“For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:32–33)

After all, our hope isn’t in what we have or don’t have here on earth. Our hope is in Christ:

“But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.” (1 Timothy 6:6–7)

Jesus gives us the strength to see beyond our present circumstances and to trust in Him to provide everything we truly need.

3. Through His Victory

Our greatest victory, however, isn’t really ours at all. We can face any situation and be content no matter what happens because of one important fact:

“But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” (1 Corinthians 15:57)

Jesus died in our place and came back to life as a true Conqueror, and all He accomplished gets credited to our account. We didn’t earn a single bit of it, but we’re guaranteed so much.
Peace:

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

Life:

“For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive by the Spirit” (1 Peter 3:18)

A fresh start:

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Corinthians 5:17)

He won the victory, and we get to share the prize. Now, that’s how we can truly do all things through Christ.

6 “Freeing” Tips for Teaching Your Kids about Jesus

 

Jesus called Deuteronomy 6:5 the greatest commandment: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.” That’s a strict, sweeping law that might make us gulp even without the verses that follow, which contain some of the strongest instructions to parents anywhere in the Bible. It turns out that in addition to obeying the Greatest Commandment, we’re ordered to teach it (and all the others) to our children.
Oh, the pressure! We hear rules about what it should mean to teach our kids in the house or by the way, and perhaps we feel guilty when we fail to follow whatever formula is being offered—or maybe we don’t teach them at all. Maybe we feel overwhelmed by the challenge.
Well, following these instructions does make for a wild adventure. It isn’t just about teaching our children; it also requires much spiritual renewal in us! But this does not mean we should become model families that look like they belong in a cheesy greeting card photo. Our Father has filled his instructions with comfort, encouragement—and much freedom.

Six Freedoms (and Challenges) in Deuteronomy 6

1. RELAX. You don’t have to follow someone else’s formula. Teaching our kids about Jesus should happen as we sit and walk and lie down and rise—as we go about life (v. 7). God’s instructions allow for a wide variety of times and methods. That means there is no formula! We have great freedom to mold our gospel teaching to fit what works for our family life, not force it to fit the way some expert says it must be done. We dare not neglect it, but we need not follow any particular model.
2. ACT. You do have to be deliberate. Despite our freedom, we must “teach them diligently” (v. 7). It takes purposeful action to get started teaching about Jesus, and to keep going. The times when we sit (mealtime), walk (travel time), lie down (bedtime), and rise (morning) actually make excellent occasions to set good habits. And our doorframes and gates might make handy places to post daily reminders of God. Especially in a family that feels awkward talking about Jesus, establishing set times to pray together, learn, and read the Bible can help overcome the awkwardness. For busy families (isn’t that all families?), having a short, set time to talk about God will help you to keep this in your schedule. Planned prayer and teaching times train us to pray and think of Jesus in unplanned moments as well. Try any way you can think of to look to Jesus as a family several times a day, so that he fills your lives always.
3. SMILE. It’s not all about enforcing rules. Yes, our kids must learn to obey God. But the obedience in Deuteronomy 6 flows from gratitude, confidence, and hope in him. Even when children ask about God’s law, the text instructs parents to tell of salvation. “Then you shall say to your son, ‘We were Pharaoh’s slaves in Egypt. And the Lord brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand’” (v. 21). This salvation includes:

• What God has already done (vv. 12, 21–23)
• How he cares now and provides life-giving laws (vv. 1–3, 24–25)
• How he will bless in the future (vv. 10–11)

For us, this means we must teach our children all about salvation in Jesus. What a joy it is to tell about the forgiveness that’s already ours because he died for our sins and rose again, or the fatherly care we have today because he shares his Father with us, or the future hope of being with him forever! We get to share that whole gospel story, not just lay down rules. More than that, we also get to wonder at Jesus himself. We can be amazed at how he kept the law for our sake, not just worry over how we break it. The love of God will grow in children when they know Jesus and fall in love with him—because they’ve heard the gospel and believe. We find it easy to correct our children all the time, as life happens. Let’s tell them about Jesus all the time too.
4. GO DEEP. Make it about your heart. We will find it impossible to keep on telling our children about Jesus if our hearts aren’t in it, and difficult to stop if they are. This is why we’re told, “These words that I command you today shall be on your heart” (v. 6). Being committed to a personal practice of prayer, Bible reading, and churchgoing may sound tiresome, but it’s actually how we pour God’s good news into our own hearts first. This is more than fuel; it’s how we learn joy in our Savior. It makes the task of doing these same things with our children delightful.
5. BE REAL. You need integrity. Since Jesus is not just for special activities, there’s no pretending. We must be the same person at home or while travelling as we are at church. If we teach about Jesus while we go about everyday life, without gearing up to look extra spiritual, our children surely won’t think we’re mega-gifted (or sinless) teachers. They’ll see who we really are—and we need to let them see! They must know that following Jesus is not for “good people,” but for those who are weak, make mistakes, and need grace for each moment. This kind of integrity is wondrously freeing, but can also be scary. Many parents fear letting their kids see their failures, or even their ordinariness. Yet we must not ignore the fact that this great parenting passage of the Bible says absolutely nothing about how capable we must be, and much about how real we must be.
6. TRUST. Keep your eyes on Jesus. We’ll be teaching our children that there is no lasting source of happiness except for Jesus. They must trust no other helper, serve no other master, and seek only the true Lover of their souls. Teaching this is as glorious and necessary as any task on earth, so it means we too will be forced to turn constantly to Jesus. That’s the only way to accept the Deuteronomy 6 challenge without collapsing under the pressure. When we fail (and we will fail so often!), we must rest in the fact that Jesus never fails. When we sin, we must remember that he forgives and still loves us (1 John 1:9–10).
Does any of this sound too hard? Remember our first lesson: the Lord builds the house. Do not forget to go to your Father in prayer. He strengthens weak people and also uses their continuing weakness to accomplish great things. It’s okay to be weak, because then you are strong (2 Corinthians 12:10).

Taken from The Gospel-Centered Parent, by Rose Marie Miller, Deborah Harrell, and Jack Klumpenhower. Used by permission of New Growth Press, Greensboro, NC 27401, www.newgrowthpress.com.

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What to Do When Family Only Hurts You

In a perfect world, family would be your soft place to fall. The place you turn to when times are tough. The place to cheer you on when times are good. Unfortunately, this world is far from perfect. And the sad truth is that sometimes family isn’t what it’s intended to be.
When you are repeatedly hurt by someone in your family, it’s well within your right to protect yourself. Whether they are hurting you emotionally, physically, or mentally, you are not called to ignore it for the simple fact that you are related to them by blood. The truth is, family members know us the best—which means, they have an insider view of what would hurt us the most.
Here are steps to take to get yourself grounded and take control:
Acknowledge Your Own Feelings
Your feelings matter. Acknowledging how you truly feel about a situation and the way you are being treated—not what someone has suggested you have the “right” to feel—is crucial to finding a solution. Spend time thinking through your feelings and the emotions that arise when you are in the situation. Think about your natural reactions and actions when this person is around you. Consider how you feel before and after each time you are with this person. Get familiar with your own feelings and face the truth about them, then make decisions about how to move forward based on those truths.
Drop the Guilt
It’s hard when we recognize that someone in our own family may not be good for us to have in our day-to-day lives. And while some people may hurt you, ask for your forgiveness and move forward in a positive relationship toward the future, others are not capable—or not willing—to do anything other than what they’ve always done to you. Their bad behavior is not your fault. And you don’t owe them anything for the simple fact that you are related to them. Recognize that guilt for being the “bad guy” and pulling away from a bad situation could be the very thing that is keeping you there. And guilt is not a good enough reason to stay. You deserve more from family members.
Set Boundaries
A person that has repeatedly shown you that they don’t care about your well-being, and are only concerned with themselves doesn’t deserve the same access in your life as someone who loves and cares for you. Though it’s difficult to consider, there are times when you have to set boundaries with those you thought would never go against you. Standing up for yourself is necessary to your own emotional health, peace of mind, and safety. Set up boundaries that fit the situation you are dealing with. Physical abuse would obviously involve severe boundaries such as a complete removal of this person from your life. Whereas someone who is causing emotional abuse during specific situations may lead you to only remove them from those specific situations. You have to guard your heart from those who would do irreparable harm, even if they are in your own family.
Show Grace
Setting limits on someone in your family who continually hurts you doesn’t have to be an all or nothing venture. If you are able to, and think it could help in healing the relationship, try to be open to reconciliation in the future. Actions speak volumes. Try to show grace to those who are making a sincere and concerted effort to repair your relationship—but only if you see that being manifested by their actions and not empty promises.
If you are being hurt by someone in your family, you have every right to set parameters around that relationship. You should never stay in any relationship that is harming you, regardless of whether or not that person is a member of your own family. While some relationships may have to end, others can continue with a clear recognition of what you will and will not allow.

Laura Polk

6 Certainties to Give You Hope in Times of Suffering

The Christian life is meant to be hard. The way of Jesus is the way of the Cross. Joining in “the fellowship of His sufferings” (Philippians 3:10, NASB) means that we will all have to spend some time on Mount Olivet in the Garden of Gethsemane.
We all suffer. And understanding this truth will help us as we inevitably walk through tough times. In times of suffering, our default question is usually some version of “Why? Why is God allowing me to suffer?” That’s a fair question, and as we will see in a moment, it’s okay to ask. I’ve asked that before and no doubt will again. But I have found that a better question to ask is “Could this be a midnight mountaintop moment, a season in which God wants to teach me something about himself, about me?”
Photo Credit: Unsplash/Justine Veenema

A Bad Trade

As a pastor, I’ve walked alongside so many people experiencing the “dark night of the soul.” These dark nights may spring from a divorce or an unwelcome diagnosis from a doctor. I’ve held hands with families who have lost a loved one to suicide and counseled elderly wives as their husbands are declining from Alzheimer’s.

So often in these dark nights, the sufferer wants a word of encouragement or for me to say something that might bring them a little bit of peace. But I have found that it is often best to say nothing at all in these situations. Typically what they need more than anything is the “ministry of presence.” They need someone who will simply be there with them, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on. Over time, once the grief has set in and the original shock of what they are experiencing has abated a bit, I share with them a statement of truth that I heard from my pastor years ago:

Don’t trade what you know for what you don’t know.
Photo Credit: Unsplash/Casey Callahan

"Don’t trade the fact that God knows and wants what is best for you..."

Isn’t this our tendency? When times of heartache and trouble come our way, don’t we begin to trade certainties that we have never doubted for the uncertainties and unknowns that may or may not even exist?

You lose your job and your mind immediately races to I’ll never get hired again. But that’s an uncertainty. Don’t trade the fact God is your provider for uncertainties that may or may not be the case.

Your relationship fractures and you assume I’ll never meet anyone else who could make me happy again. But again, that’s an uncertainty. Don’t trade the fact that God knows and wants what is best for you for uncertainties that may or may not reflect reality.

I’ll say it again: Don’t trade what you know for what you don’t know.
Photo Credit: Pexels

Certainties on the Dark Mountain

In times of suffering, I refer to a list that comes directly from the life of Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane. This helps me climb my own mountain of suffering; it enables me to accept my struggle, to not try to trade it for what I don’t know. This list is a constant reminder of certainties in the midst of suffering, and when I meditate on it in my own dark nights, I so often find the peace and presence of God.
Photo Credit: Unsplash/Tyler Lastovich

Certainty #1—Suffering is universal and unavoidable.

Suffering comes in all shapes and sizes. It doesn’t matter where you are from—Jesus was from eternity, after all—what ethnicity you may be, how much you have or don’t have. We live in a fallen world; we all suffer. No one is immune to it. But like Jesus, we can use it as an opportunity to meet with God on the mountain.
Photo Credit: Unsplash/Kalisa Veer

Certainty #2—Suffering is not a judgment for sin.

This is perhaps the biggest lie we believe when we go through times of suffering. When we experience difficulty in life or go through a trial of some kind, it is very easy to think that God is judging us for our sin.

As believers, this could not be further from the truth. We may suffer due to the consequences of sinful decisions we make. If we choose to rebel against God or make a decision that is contrary to his Word and outside his will, we will reap what we sow. And sometimes the consequences of reaping what we sow are severe. God disciplines those he loves and chastises those whom he considers sons and daughters. But God does not send suffering as judgment for our sin. Jesus took our judgment with him to the cross.
Photo Credit: Unsplash/Eduardo Dutra

Certainty #3—Suffering is temporary.

Though it doesn’t make it easier in the moment, it’s good to remember that all suffering is temporary. Scripture says that we will suffer “a little while” (1 Peter 5:10), that we suffer only “light momentary affliction” (2 Corinthians 4:17), and that our sufferings are only for the “present time” (Romans 8:18).

At times we may think we’ll never see light again. While we’re in the middle of the dark night, though we may feel completely lost and utterly hopeless, we trust that Christ can resurrect anything. Just as Jesus was on the cross for six hours and in the grave for three days, there is a set limit to our suffering. It is temporary.
Photo Credit: Unsplash/Tan Giang

Certainty #4—God loves me and has not forgotten me.

It’s so easy to forget this truth when we are enduring hardship or are confronted with a tragedy of some kind. I offer you this certainty from God’s Word. I used personal pronouns so that you could own its truth. God loves you and he has not forgotten you.

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall
tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or
nakedness, or danger, or sword? . . . No, in all these things
we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor
rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers,
nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will
be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus
our Lord. (Romans 8:35, 37–39)

Photo Credit: Unsplash/Kyle Loftus

Certainty #5—God empathizes with me in my suffering.

Perhaps we don’t often consider that God the Father suffered in the garden as well. This was not a one-sided affair. The Father and the Son shared intimate fellowship from all eternity. God was able to empathize because this suffering was a shared experience. And if God empathized with Christ, if he made a way for Christ, won’t he make a way for us too?
Photo Credit: Unsplash/Anthony Metcalf

Certainty #6—When we suffer, it’s okay to ask “Why?”

Earlier I said that “Why?” isn’t always the most helpful question. But it is usually the most human. We see the humanity of Jesus on display in the garden as he essentially asks, “If there is another way . . . Why is there not another way?”
It’s also okay to not understand why we are having to endure suffering. God’s ways are not our ways (see Isaiah 55:8–9). And even if God explained what we were going through and gave us his reasoning, it’s likely we wouldn’t understand, let alone agree with it.
Photo Credit: Thinkstock

"Let’s never trade what we know for what we don’t know."

Asking “Why?” does not show a lack of faith but reveals faith. It’s acknowledging that God alone has the answers to questions we desperately desire answers to. There may be more from this mountain garden story, but there are at least six certainties that we can hold to and embrace by faith when we walk through dark and lonely times. Let’s never trade what we know for what we don’t know.

 Jarrett Stephens Author of The Mountains Are Calling

Is Over-Parenting Turning Your Kids Away from Faith?

“… Teach them diligently to thy children…” (Deuteronomy 6:4-9)
“Why don’t you just let me make my own mistakes?” David shouted over his shoulder as he stormed out of the house. Jill and Stan stood in complete shock.
What on earth would make their mild-mannered son lash out like this? Hadn’t David always complied in the past? Jill looked to Stan for answers, but Stan was as confused as Jill.
Days earlier David didn’t seem too upset when Jill had once again jumped into his social planning. She had explained to David how she would prefer he and his friends spend the weekend at their house swimming and watching movies––rather than attending the end of summer backpacking trip they had planned.
David and his friends, who were all getting ready to start their senior year of high school, were good kids––really. I mean sure, they’d gotten speeding tickets and skipped out on classes from time to time, but for the most part they weren’t kids who looked for trouble. 
Four of the boys had grown up in church together. A few of the other boys had become part of their group over the years. Jill and Stan were not too sure about the values of some of the newer boys, but they had confidence that David’s core group of friends were level-headed young men.
So, why were Jill and Stan so afraid to let David too far out of their sight? It’s not that they didn’t trust David. They were just trying to protect him from harm. Or from being exposed to anything that might tempt him to do wrong. What if the boys encountered a wild animal on their trip? What if one of the boys brought alcohol or talked about inappropriate pictures they’d seen on the internet? How could they protect David if they weren’t there to oversee his activities?
Maybe this story sounds familiar. In almost two decades of youth ministry my youth pastor-husband and I encountered kids whose parents were not at all interested in what they did with their time. And we also knew lots of teens whose parents were very involved in their kids lives.
And do you know what we learned? There is a balance. A tightrope parents must walk that lands somewhere between “I’m here for you. I’m not gonna leave your side” and “I’ll leave you to yourself to figure things out.”
In our experience we discovered that neither extreme is helpful. Our eldest son––who did not become a part of our family until he was 15 years old––had up to that point been virtually without parental supervision. He found security in having to be home by curfew. Our parental oversight showed him we valued him and cared about him. However, our biological son pushed against the rules when he turned 15 because he felt like we were holding him back from becoming a man.
What’s a parent to do––right? No, really––parenting can be so confusing. Can I get a witness?
When our son-in-law worked as Resident Director in a boys’ dormitory at a Christian College, he met young men who began their freshman year ill equipped to self-discipline because they’d so relied on their parents. And some who weren’t allowed to play video games found themselves skipping class to play their roommates’ games.
How on earth are parents supposed to know when, where, and how to guide their kids without micromanaging their every step? While under-parenting can throw our kids to the wolves, is it possible that over-parenting can turn our kids away from faith?
Let’s unpack this question shall we? First we must ask God to help us discern our motives raising “good” kids. If you’re ambition is for others to think you’ve done a good job as a parent then it’s time to evaluate your motivations. Is it possible you’ve become a glory stealer?
God says in Isaiah says, “I’ve created you for my glory.” Glory means to represent His character. God created us to allow His light to shine through us so that His character will give others an accurate view of His character––and draw them to Himself.
When we raise our kids for what people think of us we are asking them to reflect our glory rather than God’s. Maybe you don’t think you’re a glory stealer––I mean that phrase sounds rather harsh doesn’t it? But if you tell your kids stuff like:

• “You represent our family out there, so don’t blow it.”
• “When you don’t do your homework how do you think that makes me look to your teacher?”
• “Don’t talk in church; what will people think?”

In a way what you’re saying to your kids is, “You’ve gotta measure up so I look good to my friends.” When kids figure out that their obedience is how you measure your success in the parenting olympics, they’re likely to resent and even rebel against your self-focused motivation. (From what we’ve observed, this realization and rebellion often occurs around adolescence, when hormones are raging and rationale goes out the window.)
We must teach our children that the most important relationship in life is one with Christ. And that living in a manner that pleases and glorifies Him will help them build a life with no regrets. That doesn’t mean they won’t make mistakes, but they will have a solid foundation. Just like Jesus’ parable in Matthew 7, the man who built his house on the rock––rather than the sand––was safe when storms came because his house stood firm (see Matthew 7).
And while we as parents would love to build our kid’s house for them, we simply cannot. But, with God’s help and wisdom, we can guide them in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6).
So, how does a parent guide their child to become less dependent upon them and more dependent upon Christ as they mature? This is not for the faint of heart. But you can know that if God has called you to this (and if you’re a parent He has), then He will give you His wisdom and strength for this incredible ministry of parenting.
Jesus said, “The student will become like his teacher.” (Luke 6:40)
Notice Jesus didn’t say the student will be like the teacher teaches him to be, but rather he will emulate the characteristics and values he observes in his teacher. As a parent, you my friend are that teacher. So, how can you live in a way that shows your kids a life that reflects God’s glory? How can you train them to love God and others in the way Jesus commands in Mark 12:30-31?
From my book, Moms Raising Sons to Be Men, I share the following insights:
If your child is a Christian, he is not ordinary––he is a child of the Most High God. Made alive in Christ to accomplish kingdom purposes! Helping your children see themselves through this wonderful identity in Christ will train them to anticipate the future God has planned for them (see Ephesians 2:10).
NOTE: If your child’s not a Christian, the best witnessing tool you have for winning him to Christ is your own life of joyful service to Christ. Be ever mindful that your child is observing how you live to see if your relationship with Jesus makes a difference. Religious duty will not draw your child to your Savior; rather, your wholehearted surrender to the One you call Lord will speak volumes to him as he tries to decide whether he needs or wants a relationship with Jesus.
If you desire to guide your child toward dependence on Christ, you’ll need to create ways for them to rely less and less upon you as they mature. Did you know the best place for your kids to make mistakes is while they’re still living under your roof? Think about it. If you raise your children in such a bubble they never fail, when they move out and make mistakes––and they will––they’ll not have learned the proper way to recover.
Rhonda Stoppe

We are not trying to raise perfect kids. Rather, we are trying to raise kids who know how to repent and recover when they sin. Isn’t that part of the normal Christian life?
So, how can you equip your child for a future that brings glory to God? One way is to teach them to think biblically. What does this mean? Simply stated, it means to filter all of life’s experiences through God’s Word.
To instill a scriptural foundation in your child, you’ll need to know the Bible well enough to season with sound doctrine the conversations you have with them.
D.L. Moody said, “If we attempt to feed others we must first feed ourselves.”
Steve Miller, author of D.L. Moody on Spiritual Leadership explains: “When we take the time to ensure our lives abound with spiritual water, [the people we lead] are more likely to abound with spiritual fruit.”
In Deuteronomy 6:4-9, you’ll find a simple outline for developing a biblical worldview in your child’s mind:
“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”
Let’s break this down:
Verse 4-5: You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. Your wholehearted commitment to God and His Word will demonstrate to your child how much you love God and value Scripture.
Verse 6: Think about, meditate on, and memorize Scripture, so your obedience to God will be a response based upon biblical precepts. When you transform your thinking with Scripture you will be prepared to teach your kids how to speak and act in God-honoring ways, without hypocrisy.

Verse 7-9: Relate your child’s everyday experiences to the Bible. This practice will make talking about spiritual matters a normal part of your conversations.
When you arm your children with godly knowledge, they will learn to recognize when others are attempting to deceive them. 
God said, “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge (Hosea 4:6). So, to keep your children from being destroyed by worldly influences and deceptions, impart knowledge from the Bible as often as the opportunity arises. This will grow their faith more than the practice of over-parenting attempts to manipulate or control their actions.
The world would instruct your children to achieve their goals for their own pleasure and fame, rather than God’s glory. That is why it’s vital for you to train them to filter their opportunities and achievements through a biblical mindset.
One way to lay a biblical foundation in your child’s mind is through music. (And realize that ungodly music can also be the thing that woos your child’s heart away from a godly mindset.) For example, as a witness for the Lord, God told Moses to write a song for His people to teach to their children so it “will not be forgotten in the mouths of their descendants” (Deuteronomy 31:19-22).
When our kids were little, every night my husband and I tucked them into bed listening to songs that put Bible verses to music. Even now, more than 20 years later, our children can still sing the Scripture passages they memorized as they drifted off to dreamland.
Last weekend my husband, Steve, and I babysat our granddaughter, Karis. When our peacock’s screeching frightened her (yes, we have peacocks on our ranch––they kill snakes!), in response to her fear, Karis immediately started singing a song her mom had learned as a child, “When I am afraid I will trust in you.”
Steve and I smiled because another generation is learning how to apply biblical knowledge to situations of life.
Over-parenting can feel like the right thing to do, but learning to parent in a way that helps your child mature away from dependence upon you and more upon faith in Christ will equip your child to leave your home ready to follow Christ for His Kingdom and His glory.

7 Things Your Small-Group Leader Wishes You Knew

As soon as September starts, the Fall routine is well under way. Sunday school; guest events; youth groups; home groups. Apart from a brief breather in November, we’re all pretty much running hard until we collapse into bed filled with Christmas Dinner.
In all the busy-ness, it’s tempting to think of your home group as an optional extra—to fit in so long as you have the time, and the energy.
Here’s 7 things that your home group leaders wishes you knew:

1. Your attendance really matters. Even if you are dead on your feet, with numbed neurones from a brutal day at the grindstone—just being there will be a massive encouragement and help to others.
2. Your thoughts really matter. Your group leader doesn’t want the Bible study to be “lively” for the sake of it. A home group is an expression of a fundamental principle of the Christian life: God’s people gathered around God’s word, trying to work out how God would have us live for him today. Sharing your thoughts from the passage with the group—even if you are nervous to speaking up, or think your observations are obvious—is really important for everyone in the room. It’s what fellowship is all about.
3. Your prayers really matter. We pray in masses at whole church gatherings, but it is in small groups that prayer takes on a more intimate character. You bless and encourage others by praying out loud for them, and by engaging with their prayer requests in a way that shows you have listened and understood what they are struggling with.
4. Your prayer requests really matter. As forgiven sinners, Christians should be free-er than most to admit weakness, failures, needs. Doing so in a small group is easier than a larger group, and it helps others to know that they are not alone in their experience of weakness and failure. This surely part of what James means when he encourages us to confess our sins to one another (James 5:16).
5. Your gratitude matters. Prayer times can often be characterised by a lot of grumbling: illness, trauma, conflict and … well, more illness! Expressing things we are grateful to God for is a great example to set for others—especially if what we are grateful for is everyday experiences that others will have. If you invite people to rejoice in God’s goodness and grace with you, you will make your group prayer times more rounded and rewarding.
6. Your laughter matters. There should be moments for seriousness any time Christians meet. But our gatherings are chiefly characterised by joy. After all, we share the riches of Christ, and look forward to eternity together. Every home group should be a little taste of heaven. So smiling and laughing with the group is of particular importance; if we treat it as a business meeting, or a classroom, we’re missing the point.
7. Your dependence on the group matters. All the above adds up one thing. Participating in your home group with joy is a sign that you have got a healthy relationship with church. Not a club to dip into. But a family to belong to, that depends on each other in tangible ways.

I know it can feel burdensome to get into gear for the season. But when you understand both what you receive and what you can give, home group takes on a whole new perspective.
Tim Thornborough